The Young Women/Young Men's Party at the church

Cake Walk

Olivia and Rosie

Rosie

Sabrina

Olivia

I have to say Rosie disguised herself very well! I had a hard time believing that was my daughter!

Halloween Party Fun!

(left to right Ruby, Rosie and Jamie eating doughnuts off the string)

(Toby eating a doughnut off the string)

(Andrew trying to eat his doughnut off a string)

(Matthew eating his doughnut off the string)

We had our annual Halloween Party, and I must say I am unofficially the coolest mom ever!

Rosie told me that kids have said it was the best Halloween Party they ever went too! Okay so we now know I am cool, Rosie even had a few boys show up! Scary......

Matthew enjoyed hiding in the grass and scaring people as they walked by! The twins ran around eating peoples doughnuts, treats, or drinking unattended cups of soda.

Thanks to my helpers for the games! Wish everyone could have made it.........

I got a little disk for my phone, so now I can take some pictures! Tonight we have the young women and young men's trunk or treat, promise you all I'll get pictures of the twins in costume, they are little butterflies. Adios!

Some experience, strength and hope

Some of you may know my story, some may know parts. I have been asked by several therapist to write a book and maybe, just maybe one day I will. I want to share this because I am crying after just reading about the pain my sister is in right now. I hope that this will not offend anyone, and maybe just maybe help someone else out there that may have some trials of their own realize YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There is place for every soul that's lost, there is a way back home, no matter where you've roamed. Let is love heal you. (Micheal McLean)

I get my time frame mixed up, but here it goes...

I was about 13 yrs old.

It was a Saturday.

I was heading back home from the library and I ran into a girl from the teen group I volunteered with. She was smoking. I for some reason had a couple drags. I followed her and a couple of her girl friends over to her house. We talked, watched MTV nothing big. They started getting ready for a party. I looked at the time it was about 6 pm. I was going to be in trouble. They asked me if I wanted to go. I never had been to a party before. I was already going to be in trouble, might as well have some more fun right?

We got to the party. This my "friend" introduced me to a guy and asked him to babysit me. I remember her telling him, make sure I didn't get into any kind of trouble, and that I was a good girl. The party sucked. I didn't know anyone. I was uncomfortable. This guy went and got me a drink.

After that it got hazy. I remember wanting to go home and he was suppose to take me.

I was in Maple Ridge at the time. Next thing I new we were over the Fraser River into Surrey. It was raining. He told me that he couldn't take me home that night. He showed me a tent were I could sleep. I feel asleep.

I woke up. It was cold, I had gum everywhere on my face and hair. I had bruises on my arms, legs. I was bleeding. I had hickeys all over. I didn't remember a thing.

I didn't know where I was and I thought I couldn't go home. I was so scared.

I got on the bus and made it back to my "friend's" house. I hid under her bed for days. I wanted to go home, but I was too scared.

I was going to get a drink at the store when I was met by a youth counselor for the teen group and he convinced me I should go home.

I went home. I was met by my parents who I knew I had disappointed. I looked am them and could not speak.

During the course of my teen years and even early adulthood I tried to avoid.

I used chemicals in all forms to avoid the feelings.

I stayed in the victim stance and horrible things happened.

There were some good times, but the bad overwhelmed them.

In 2002, I had a boyfriend try and kill me. I had a gun pointed at me. I had a knife held to my neck. I had huge bruises head to toe. It was a nightmare.

What was worse was the aftermath. I left him, never to go back again, yet that horrible night replayed in my head over and over and over.

I started to get some help.

I stayed at an abused women shelter.

I learned that I was an okay person.

I felt like a horrible mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend.

I kept trying to see were I had gone wrong.

Finally a therapist pointed out a few things:

1) I wanted to be a victim, because I sure in the heck was not choosing to survive.

2) I probably would never know why things happened the way they did.

3) I did I want to live the rest of my life?


Abra I hope you read this. I am not writing this because I want pity, Lord knows I sat on my pity pot long enough. I want to be there with you so bad, but I know somethings in life now.

IF NOTHING CHANGES, NOTHING CHANGES!!!!!!!!!!

This point I was at in my life was horrible.

How dare someone say I have to change something. I had been a victim of abandonment, rape, beatings, verbal abuse, drugs, environment, health issues, circumstances, guys, you name it.

I was the failure because of all this.

All of these things had only one common denominator. That was ME!

When all problems have the same common denominator, obviously that is something you look closely at.

I had to decide:

a) Was I going to continue to be a victim of circumstances?

or

b) Was I going to become a survivor of life?

I want to live today. Life isn't beautiful, and lord knows I been through a lot since this decision, but how I few life is way different.

I know that God loves me. Even though I have times that I have no one. When I feel my sisters have their own lives, I don't want to burden my parents, my best friends has her life, or my grandparents have too much on their plate, I go to god. It was hard at first, and my attendance and church isn't squeaky clean, but I know that I can call and talk to someone. Someone who truly knows my pain. After all he died suffer the pain and sins of the world. He to knows how it feels to not have the knowledge of god.

God allowed him to know the feeling of being forsaken.

I know what it's liked to be truly comforted by our lord. I have felt arms around me when I needed it.

The joke:

How many therapist does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb has to want to change.

Repetitive words are so relevant.

So I close with this, hoping no one was offended, and hoping that it reaches someone.

There is nothing that one can't overcome, if one has the willingness.

There is place for every soul that's lost, there is a way back home, no matter where you've roamed. Let is love heal you. (Micheal McLean)

It's been a couple of days....

So I haven't blogged for a couple of days, nothing much has REALLY happened, but let me fill you in~

My fibromyalgia has been very active the last few days. I believe it is because of the weather getting colder. I just know it has made me very tired, sore and irritable. I finally got in to a doctor yesterday and she gave me so higher dosed anti-inflammatory, and a couple muscle relaxers, so today I am a little better.

For those that would like more information on fibromyalgia our want to know of an idea of how I feel, check this sight out: http://www.fmnetnews.com/basics-symptoms.php

Rosie, Chrissy, Matthew and Andrew are all looking forward to our annual Halloween party tomorrow. I'm sure the twins would be too, however they just don't realize how cool of a mom they really have!

Rosie is having a hard time because someone at school (one of her friends) handed out invites to a haunted house party she is having, at the same time! I reminded Rosie that our parties are always great, regardless how many kiddos show up. Also a lot of kids have come to the parties I've thrown and they love them, so we probably will have a few reoccurring guests. I also pointed out that she probably handed more invitations then her friend, since I make her invite her entire class to parties. She also invited a few outside school friends.

I am not too worried about the turn out, but she's a little disappointed. I think it's probably because she is having to share the pre-party limelight at school, which she has never had to do before.

Anyway I am super busy at work. I am helping implement a new cost accounting system here and I am starting with nothing! I work in a manufacturing plant and there is so much info to input into a working system. I can't wait till I have all the data collected and we can monitor our system closer. With the economy the way it is, our cost of goods sold are fluctuating and an alarming rate and our current system (which is obsolete) can not tell us when we start giving our product away!

I am hoping to get a picture of what we make on the blog soon, but feel free to check out our website.......medax.com.

Till I have more time, something exciting or a deep reflection!

The Weekend

Saturday was busy for me! I did get a nice break from the kiddos, but it was run, run, run!

Every other Saturday I go to People Helping People, an organization for women, by women, that is incredible! That takes up four hours of my Saturday morning.

I then drove out to Herriman (from downtown SLC), which is about a 40 min drive.

Johnathan's niece is getting married on the 1st of November and her bridal shower was at three that day. I gave her a single burner hot plate. Unusual I know, however she is going to be living in a hotel for a few months and thought that it would be useful.

Then it was women's night out for the Relief Society at my new ward. I love this ward! We watched "Sabrina". It was a great movie. We had snacks and I made pumpkin rice crispy treats...yum, the recipe is on my other blog (http://quickandeasyideas4kids.blogspot.com/) as well as another yummy dip that was there.

This ward is so friendly and receptive. My other ward was great, but this ward is small and really friendly. Herriman grew to fast too quickly and because of the pricey houses out there, some of these really nice neighborhoods are empty. So I think they built the wards based on the neighborhoods, and now it's half a ghost town. Our ward is about half the size of my last ward. The relief society makes everyone sit together, no finding a corner and hiding........

We are singing a song in sacrament meeting with the young women and senior primary. It is a beautiful song! Rosie and I are both a little nervous because we've only sung in two times, but we'll have the words so I think we'll be okay.

Ugh the tween years!

Okay, I have a wonderful daughter. All my children are wonderful and bring joy to my life in there special ways, however at times they bring little frustrations too!

My daughter is into lying to me. Shocking, right. I have loosened a little on her chore wise, but she is asked to complete one chore a day. Yesterday I asked her to clean up the back room. The stuff on the floor were clothes SHE didn't put away in the first place and the twins, mainly Sabrina, played switch the outfit a hundred times.

She went to clean the room and came back fairly quickly. I asked her if she was sure she picked up all the clothes, even the ones in the closet. She said yes, the only thing she had left down were the pj's. I asked her, "Are you SURE everything is done?" She shook her head yes.

I was going to check last night but got distracted by dishes, twins and what had you, so I forgot. This morning I went into the room to get the twins dressed and the closet had a layer of clothes on the floor!

What do I do? I asked her why she looked at me and lied. She just shrugged her shoulders. I can't really ground her because she hardly asks to go anywhere and I feel like a heel when I have to tell she can't go to her friends house when she does ask.

The parent books say that it's her age, but I miss my eager young Rosie, Posie.

(I still love this one, but sometimes want to wring her neck!)

Life is...

I always liked Forrest Gump and the famous "life is like a box of chocolates, you never no what you're gonna get."

Around Christmas time we get those edible but not the best chocolates in the world. I only like a few of them. My kids usually have lost the identifying sheet, so I am left to sample some, till I find the ones I like.

Life is a lot like that. I don't always have a direction sheet guiding me in the direction I want, so I try one way and is doesn't work, I can change course.

That's one neat thing about our Heavenly Father's plan for us. He has given us the free agency to make choices. I know that I have more than a checkered past then most, however I am glad for the life's lessons I learned.

I am a very independent woman, who is determined to get somewhere. Right now somewhere is happiness for me. I want to laugh and smile. I want someone to grow old in our his and her rocking chairs. I don't care much about what I have material wise. I want to eliminate stress.

I think of the Hills that live or lived in California. How free was it to visit them? Okay so Nancy didn't like it because she got dirty, however I remember loving it. I'm sure they had problems and fights, but I don't remember them. I remember playing in the river, the divided bedroom garage thing, and how cool that their living room was pretty much the outdoors!

I want that freeness. Freeness is that a word?

Sorry lack of sleep, causes idle ramblings.............

Engagement Strike Outs?

Okay, so we all know:

Kelline and guys = generally bad luck

Personally I think that there are two major reasons for that.

1-I know what I want from a relationship.
2-I date about the complete opposite.

So I decided after my 2nd ex-husband David, I'd not get serious and focus on other things. Well I ended up meeting Johnathan Dewegeli. I know I've said this is the one before, but he is the one.

I actually spent sometime praying about this and I believe he has too. The wonderful thing I love about this man is that I can be me. He knows that generally I am sweet and good natured, but I can let the feisty Irish spirit out and he still loves me. He doesn't let me walk all over him, but he'll let me vent and then we can talk about things. We can have shallow discussions or in depth ones about nothing of real interest.

Each one f my six children are welcomed by him and each one seems to enjoy his company.

He was afraid I'd hate my ring, so he handed me the box and asked me to open when he was away. I love the ring, it's something he picked out BY HIMSELF for me. After we drove home in separate cars, he met me outside. He told me it was an engagement ring. I told him he should put it on me then. We laughed and I said it'd be funnier if he texted me "will you marry me" on my cell phone. He thought about it, put he wants to redo the proposal, but doesn't know what to do yet.

I told anything is better then the kid's dads proposal! Another story.

I am just glad that I met him, and he will accept me and my kids!

Birthday Aftermath?

I had a good birthday, and thank you to all that wished me a Happy Birthday.

Johnathan took the girls and I out to Sizzlers and Grandma and Grandpa Layton joined us. Johnathan gave me an engagement ring and Rosie wrote a poem for me.

Rosie's poem:

So young in the mirror
And bright too!
Your future is clear
Mommy I love you.

You bring joy to my heart
And your love is true
Right and Smart
Mommy I love you.



Such a good writer my Rosie!

Pictures from Sept 27th trip to the petting Zoo!

Thanks to a wonderful birthday present from my Mom and Josie, here are some pictures of my kids at the petting zoo! Matthew, Sabrina in pink, Olivia in blue
My favorite picture of Andrew!
Sabrina, she was the most difficult to take a picture of, always on the go!
Olivia
Rosie, Matthew in far back, Andrew in orange shorts, Chrissy on the left in the light.

Andrew in front, Matthew in Back
Okay I promise this isn't one of MY kids, but it is a kid in a stroller.........ha, ha, ha......
Matthew....
Olivia, hair in face (obvious before the haircutting incident) Sabrina didn't ride the horsies this time because she was taking a nap!
Left to right, Chrissy, huge pig, Josie, Rosie.

Yes, It's my Birthday....

Birthdays have changed for me so much! I remember as a child I would lay awake at nights before my Birthday, dreaming of the mounds of presents that I would get. What was silly because although I always got presents, they were never MOUNDS. My parents always made my birthday special.

The most vivid memory I have regarding a birthday was the one when I turned five. Anyone who knew me as a child knew that I was a very smart and exhausting child. I remember this birthday because my parents played on that...I woke up and went around them. Not one of my parents said Happy Birthday! I went over to my dad and told him it was my birthday. He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. I don't remember my mom baking a cake, or her making a fuss. I was livid! This was a big deal birthday for me and nothing. No Auntie Arlene coming over with Jenna and Lance, nothing. I was about to have a nervous breakdown, when my parents blindfolded me with one of my dad's ties.

They took me and Abra, okay Abra and I for a ride and wound up in front of Chuckie Cheese! My cousins and Auntie Arlene were there, I think, because after that I was wide eyed and feeling mighty high on my cloud nine!

Back 26 years later....I just enjoy having my family around. I don't dream about mounds of presents, I just hope for my children to follow directions and a clean house.

Thank you for the cookie jar mom, It looks cute in the cupboard in my house! We are to scared to put cookies in it, because I have two cookie monsters living in my house. mmmm...who could those be? Bet you'll never guess.

Early Birthday Dinner, Wooden Dip, and Olivia's big adventure...

I went down to my parents for an early birthday dinner yesterday. It was yummy, and I enjoyed the visit.

I decided I was going to make spinach artichoke dip. I have been craving it since I went to Red Robin, but haven't found the same recipe. Still I keep trying! Johnathan and I were making some yesterday and he being the brilliant guy he is decided that he was going to stir my mixture of cheeses, artichoke hearts, and spinach. Nice, right? Except he forgot to turn off the blender.....as he stuck a wooden spoon in.......we managed to save some of the dip.....then made more. Dad said we made a little too much, but it was good, and I don't have to cook tonight!!!

We had fun visiting the grandparents and aunts and uncles. The girls love to play the piano and get into their recital, however the listeners probably think they need more practice. Sabrina demonstrated her lovely singing skills while throwing the unwanted toys out of her way. She makes up such beautiful songs, however she can sing quite loudly at times.

When we got home Rosie took Olivia inside, we were taking Sabrina. I was waiting for the dog to go to the potty. I could here Olivia talking. I looked up to the porch, no Olivia. Then for some reason I looked at the roof. Olivia was standing there!

I have no clue how it happened. I flew into the room with the easiest accessibility to the roof. I jumped through the window and grabbed her in. Through tears and my heart pounding I told her how very scared she had made me. I was so shocked and surprised and glad that she was alive, I couldn't punish her. I explained dangers to her and told her never again should she scare mommy like that. (I also talked to Rosie about the difference of "watching" vs. "watching".)

Johnathan also put a lock on the window so it won't open far enough for one of the girls to climb out again.

Confused???

We decided to start going to church in Herriman, even though we really haven't completely moved out there yet. I thought it would be a good way for Rosie to meet some girls her age and for me to met some other people out there.

Church is at 9 am. This is a little difficult for us, but manageable. We scurry and go through the rituals of Sunday morning. I have no clue why Sunday mornings are so hectic! We get in the car at 9:05. That's okay, we're going to make it.

We sit through Sacrament meeting, and manage only having to get up twice with the twins. Olivia is such a good girl when it comes to being reverent during the sacrament.

Afterwards we look for Johnathan's brother and his family, and nobody was there. I take the girls to there classes, only to find out moments later we were in the wrong ward. We decide to get the girls out of there classes and go to the right ward. I really wanted Rosie to start to meet some kids out there.

Oh, just an FYI, on the way to church I was commenting on how many church buildings we live by. I jokingly said how funny would it be if we went to the wrong ward. Not only did we go to the wrong ward, but we were in the wrong stake!

So we go to the new ward. I think I'm going to like it. It's fairly small, but friendly. I loved my own ward before, but never met a friend. I am hoping that I'll meet a friend in this ward. I don't mind moving out to Herriman, but I'll be leaving my best friend in Salt Lake City. We won't see each other very often and sometimes you just need a gal pal!

I found my mentor. He was one of my favorite instructors at Stevens Henager. Now he will be teaching my twins in Nursery. I am glad that he is a part of my life again. I got to meet his wife and she is nice too!

Abra.....

Since today is my sister's milestone birthday.......I thought I dedicate the posting to her.

When we were growing up, quite often we shared birthday parties, in fact we shared a lot of things. We sometimes shared a room, friends, clothing and even secrets. We even "pretended" to have a secret language between us, sometimes I think we actually understood each other. We didn't get along much, but we stood by each others side when others picked on us. We were two completely different individuals, yet we were a lot alike.

She was the fashion queen, I could care less. She is beautiful naturally, and knows how to accessorize that. She could always have been a model.

Today and until the fourteenth of October I am the same age as her. This was my favorite time of the year. I think we got along the best these four days. I remember we'd go to the mall and try and run into people who knew very little about us. Then we'd introduce each other as our sister. Then we'd give our ages. They'd of course ask us if we were twins... then we'd explain, sometimes that our birthdays were so close. Sometimes we'd even have a hard time convincing people we were sister's!

I always say we get along better since we live in different countries, but truth is I miss her and her kids like crazy! I think the reason why we get along better so far apart is that we have to work harder at any type of relationship. We no longer have time for squabbles.

We have moved on from toy taking, back slapping, boy stealing, into motherhood. What an awesome opportunity this is for both of us to be able to do! I get to see her tears of joy and her tears of pain, as she raises her three beautiful children. I get to receive her calls of duress and her calls of excitement.

I, no longer am a big sister, I get to be her friend.

Happy Birthday Abra! I love and miss you!

(p.s. your card will be in the mail, with Pipers!)

My new/used van....

As most know I totaled my van last month. I purchased a older van through Johnathan's brother, who is a mechanic. He promised he'd fixed anything that went wrong on it.

It's an older van, and temperamental. Sometimes it does weird things, but never when Johnathan or his brother are around. I think they were kind of getting annoyed about me telling them about odd behavior of the van.

Yesterday was horrible! I got on the freeway at about 4:30 p.m. All was going good, and I should have been in Herriman about 5ish. I moved into the carpool lane, going about 70 mph and then I lost power. I could go about 35 mph and that was it. So I maneuvered at 35 mph over four lanes of freeway speed vehicles and got off on 72nd exit. I would have called Johnathan, however this was the day I leave my cellphone at home..... ironically convenient I know!

I make it finally out to Herriman, pulling in to the house about 6:30ish. I was not happy. I handed Johnathan the keys and told him he needed to do something with the van...I wanted him to drive off a cliff...but kept that to myself.

I lay down to rest, avoid the oncoming headache, and to destress. He calls me and asks what the problem was. I tried my best to explain, but can you guess?

The van was running beautifully! No problem. Ugh! He gets home and I tell him that he has to take it to work the next day.

I call this morning and all of sudden my van is a pile of crap....

See it wasn't really happening prior to him taking the van to work. As long as when HE drove the van it was fine, so it was really operator error.....

My van is getting fixed this weekend!!!!!!

Rescheduling

So for those of you whom had added my Halloween party as a list of thing s to do, I am still having however I am rescheduling it to the 25th of October. I have been invited to a wedding shower thingy, and it's important for me to go, so I am changing my party date, since I haven't handed out the paper invits yet, lot easier to change the electronc ones!

There's two people in the world that don't have brains........

I have this stunning beauty for a daughter, not only is she cute but she actually has brains! At least that is what her homework and teachers tell me. I am trying to figure this one out. Maybe she only has brains when:

A. I am not around.

B. At school

C. Selective thinking....

I keep thinking back to good ole Patrick when he was a little boy and the conversation he had with dad. Some of you should remember it.....

Patrick in complex thinking and on chin....deep in thought, Dad never suspecting a thing. (Patrick was about 4 years old)

Conversation went something like:

Dad: What you thinking about?

Patrick: Brains

Dad: What about brains?

Patrick: Why everyone in the whole world has them, but two people.

Dad: Who do you know that doesn't have brains?

Patrick: You and mom....

Getting back to the point of this blog......Rosie doesn't always act like she has a brain. I go pick her up at the house after work and getting the twins. She runs out to the van and hops in. She isn't feeling well, and understand that but seriously.

I decide to take in to the after hour doctors, because I know she's sick. With all the time crunch after work and before bed I decide that we'd go out to eat. We get out at the doctors office (mind you we drive from Sugarhouse area to West Jordan in rush hour) and she has no shoes on.

I have two two year olds that lose shoes, but must my almost 12 year old daughter have this behavior too? I suppose I'll have to go back to shoe check for all the kids, but I thought eventually I'd get to stop............(I got smart, I leave a pair of emergency shoes under my seat!)

What I wanted to be

The earliest memories growing up and being asked what I wanted to be, I remember replying "a Hutterite ." I know such ambitions for a young girl.

I think what I liked about the Hutterites when I was privileged enough to visit their farms, was how calm everyone was. There didn't seem to be that clock ticking the time down, and the rush of life flying by. I also loved the long dresses and how the girls didn't have makeup.

I bet I could have played "Anne of Green Gables" with out any ridicule. Of course growing up Hutterite , I never would have seen the movie, but I could have read the book, and probably would have!

My sister and I, and sometimes Stephanie Leishman, would play Anne of Green Gables outside the house in Raymond. There was the fence that bordered our neighbors, and we would pretend that we were on the barnyard roof. We would take turns falling of the fence and reacting that seen between Anne and Gilburt. It's a good thing our neighbors thought we were weird already!

Growing up more, I changed my life long dream of wanting to be a Hutterite to a school teacher. Then it progressed into a Kindergarten school teacher. I had a passion for kids and wanted to use that to make money. After all there was a time where my sister and I were the top two babysitters in PoCo! We even formed a babysitting club for a whole couple of weeks! Such entrepreneurs we were.

Even after the birth of my first child, I started to go to school to get a four year degree in early childhood education, specializing in literature. Seriously I took a college course where we read children's books, and then made index cards and categorized them according to topics and issues in the book. I loved that class. Unfortunately I had some issues and had to drop out of college.

My next big idea was to be a hairdresser, which is weird because I hate doing hair, at least mine. My logic behind this idea was that if I hated doing after the schooling, I at least would know how to cut my own kids hair professionally saving five haircuts every few weeks. I think probably fortunately I couldn't work out daycare for this idea.

Then I applied for this grant to go back to school. I was told I had to get a four year degree, not a two year one that I originally thought I was going to get. I went online and looked up top paying degrees, I have to support by family after all! Engineering, boring...Nursing? yuck blood...Accounting, I do like numbers.....So accounting it was. About three years into my degree I decided to add on a business bachelors because I wanted to work with other people a little more.

I have an okay job right now, more entry level then anything else. I am trying to work on building up my resume and experience then my bank account.

In the meantime I am attending these classes that are awesome! It is through People Helping People. They are helping me network and build me confidence to land the job with big money. Right now I am someone who has knowledge, but no application. I am scared to try and make a mistake at work. They hopefully can give tools to get over that fear.

I think the biggest thing for me is that I like classes. I don't have to quit school per say. I think if I could afford it I'd become a professional student.

A Mother Helpless

As mothers we protect and love our children unconditionally. There are those occasional times where we are completely helpless and at those times we are lost.

I know I've been there.

This comes from reading my sister Abra's blog, and feeling her pain. I know at times of pain I turn more to my Heavenly Father then ever. I was crying one time to a bishop regarding all my pain and suffering that I was going through in my life. He gave me some wonderful comfort. He reminded me of the atonement and asked if I believed that Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane. Upon my answer, he then asked me why I was feeling like I was suffering by myself. See, I was under the impression Christ suffered for the sinners....not for my heartaches. This bishop told me that as long as I was unwilling to turn my pain over and move on from it, I was causing more pain and suffering on Christ.

Two things happened at this point. The first thing was a pang of guilt that hit me. How selfish was I? Christ has given the wonderful gift of atonement to me and I was not willing to accept it. The second thing was incredibly wonderful and has been a strong foundation for my growing testimony. I felt this incredible peace inside. I felt okay for the first time in my life. I felt arms around me and I knew that everything is alright and I am going through exactly what I need to at this time in my life. I also thought how awesome is it the Christ knows how heavy my heart is, he truly felt and new exactly how I felt. Never again could I ever think I was alone in something and that nobody ever has felt like I.

Thanks to this bishop in my early parenting years, I have been able to turn to my Heavenly Father and weep tears of gratitude and joy for his son that suffered for all of us mothers that have had heartache from their children.

Side note....Isn't weird sometimes you start to blog about something and its changes......I totally didn't mean to bear my testimony of the atonement, but I guess I needed to. I hope you find comfort in it!

Scissors and Hair, Need I say more?

Johnathan and Rosie watched the twins for me Saturday, so I could go to this awesome class through People Helping People http://www.mentors4women.org/.

I know some of you where hoping to see me cut my daughters hair sooner than later. I was trying to grow it out first so that they didn't have bangs, however Sabrina found a pair of scissors and cut her hair. Olivia had her hair cut too, not sure if she did it herself or had a little helper....

When I got home I noticed that Sabrina had some help with Rosie "evening out" the bangs. (Rosie denied it, but mother's know!)

We took the girls and got new hair cuts for them, they look cute and older. Why when kids get their haircuts, they always seem to age more?

Tagged

Okay so my sister Abra tagged me her blog is http://mandermint.blogspot.com/. I find rather unfair that she used all our immediate family....we'll see if our cousins have follow through.....

7 facts about me........

1) I hate my canned food messed up, or any of my kitchen cabinets. In fact if I have to get anything out of the cupboards and they are a mess, I have to stop what I am doing to fix them. Not only do they have to be neat but I have a systematical order they have to be in. Needless to say when I cook dinner, my daughter usually pulls things out for me, or else we end up eating late.

2) There are only a few people's houses that I'll eat meat at. I am so picky that I have some friends that think I'm a vegetarian. Shhhh......don't tell.

3) I don't like wearing shoes. I kick them off whenever I can.

4) Rosie and I have an ice cream habit that we need to break. We get the carton and get two spoons and pig out. This has been a special bonding moment for us for some years now. The problem is we double dip. I know it's bad. Usually it's been just us eating the ice cream so it's not really bad, but know the twins are growing up and sometimes Johnathan wants some ice cream too.

5) I have grey hair....and I'm only 30!

6) I am suppose to wear glasses.

7) I love math!

Okay so I tag......

http://teamandymichelle.blogspot.com/ (Michelle)

http://www.eat5hams.com/ (Eric)

http://heathertorrie.blogspot.com/ (Heather)

http://arrika.blogspot.com/ (Arrika)

and that's all I'm doing, cause I'm lame and don't know to many bloggers...........

Laughter the best medicine....

After reading Abra's funny post regarding Piper, I thought I would tell my earliest memory of something funny my kids did....However this is more about what JOSIE did then one of my kids.

I was pregnant with Matthew, so Rosie was not quite two, making Josie five, or close to it. We were at the grocery store, Rosie, Josie, Naunie, and myself. Rosie had decided she had enough and wanted to go home. Being two, she voiced her concerns quite vocally and loudly. An older gentleman tried to sympathise with her, sharing his dislike of grocery shopping. Josie looks at him and said quite matter of fact, "Well, it wouldn't be so bad, if her mother did beat her."

I think I nearly died of embarrassment that day~

Thanks Josie!

I love the age range between 3-5 they say and do the cleverest and honest things. I think though the award still goes to Patrick. Stories I could tell....but my favorite....

I remember he loved going across to one of his friend's house. We all would watch from the huge window in the front. One particular day, his friend couldn't play. Patrick walked to his garage....next thing we know....there is a small puddle growing and running down the driveway...Patrick says he was mad at him because he couldn't play!

School is in full swing....

Seriously we have an awesome PTA at Rosie's school. They are on top of the fundraisers, they have family activities throughout the year, plus they do a program called Reflections that Rosie has placed a couple years in a row. She wrote a poem one year, I'll have to find it and post it on here.

This year they put together a roller skate night at the school, with food to buy and a live DJ. This looks to be a great family night!

Rosie also has an incredible teacher this year. Her name is Mrs. Murray. She is encouraging her to explore other cultures and learn new languages. Last week they had some french and Spanish words for their spelling test. One of the words was nom de plume....which I thought was an interesting pick. This week they are learning how to count in Japanese and some other Japanese words.

Rosie has inherited a love of language and a respect of culture thanks to my family. I am so glad that she does not portray the ignorance that I have had to deal with from many Utahans/Americans. Although I am a proud American, I also remember that my heritage is multicultural. There is so much to learn through other nations, a close minded person will never experience true growth!

put the stamp on then.....MAIL!

Seriously...

Why must I always forget to MAIL a letter? I get the stamp on the envelope and then I never mail it. (I just sent 30 invoices/payments off at work) You would think that I could handle the task. But no. Piper's card is sitting in the house in Herriman, maybe it'll get there the same time as Abra's, hopefully before her brother's b-day. Maybe I'll lose it and find it just in time for her b-day next year.......

It's coming I promise.......when I'm just not quite sure.