Monthly Resolutions

February's monthly resolutions:

File Taxes
Clean out car
Get a working computer


Just so it's out there......oh and work my butt off, take care of kids, and complete every minuscule task the state requests......

Daily or Quad-weekly posting

I told myself: Self you are going to write everyday on your blog that you work at the library. So I am.

I started out today nervous and apprehensive about a meeting with state peoples, parents and what had you. The reasoning....it seemed as if "everyone" wanted these big changes that I am not capable of comprehending right now. Perhaps down the road I can look at some of them, but not now.

The reality is....I have two very active little ones who are incredibly smart, a little too smart for their britches. For some reason I don't have the authoritive voice box or actions that kids take seriously. I'm glad....I don't want my kids to fear me.

The recommendation is therapy for the little ones....and myself. This could help, but it'll take time and I think we know all are on the same page.

Sometimes you gotta rest on you laurels

I just have to breathe today.....

Then everything works out. The kids awake....the hours pass by.....I just breathe.

I know that life will pan out and I will be okay.

I want to yell and scream and cry and stamp my feet. I want this just to be over. It's not. It's not going away quickly either. I get to continue everyday working my butt off for????? I don't get to enjoy my life. I am looking over what I do to find my mistakes before neighbors, media or the state does.

I am having a hard time not freaking out on my babies and blaming them for this horrible domino affect. I remain loving and compassionate....meanwhile I want to explode at them and blame them.

I feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, tired, anger, sadness, my head is swirling and I am not quite sure how to let it all out. What is proper, what will work? I even have to be careful what I write, for fear they wrong person will read it and POOF! they're gone again.

I promise I will not intentionally harm my children.....if I ever felt like I would I would call someone.

Then I think the random calls I've made the last couple of months.....what were they?

How can I work, if I never know when I will cry?

I really don't know what to do......I am going to apply for a full admin job at my work. I hope I get it....maybe

it's been a long time.....

If you read this....I'm sorry....I am using this as a venting way to track feelings and emotions of what I am going through.

To catch you up to date click on this:

http://myrnalayton.blogspot.com/


It'll bring you back to where I am.......sort of............this is just a start. I think it'll be healthy to write it out, but it won't be very pretty....right now anyway.

I want to smile and nod and pretend everything is okay, but I can't as of yet.

Mousey Morning

So this morning I discovered two things:

A. We have a mouse problem

B. I am a little more frightened of mice, then I thought

I got into work this morning, printed something off my printer. I noticed there was something a little yellow on the paper. That's weird, I thought, so I pulled out the printer paper drawer only to discover, we have mice, and they had left evidence there. I pulled the drawer completely out, threw out the pooped and peed on paper, and continued on about my day.

An hour later I was trying to print something. The printer had an error on it saying paper jam. I opened the tray....screamed.....jumped out of my office and skin....

The paper had started to lift, so the mouse couldn't run out when I opened the drawer.....

Needless to say...my boss caught rid of it and I have several mouse traps in my office and in the break room.

Anyone want to open the office for me tomorrow?

A flash back

I was a horrible older sister.

I tricked my siblings a lot.

I was reading a blog my sister did regarding a prank her husband pulled on my mother when visiting and it refreshed my memory.......

We lived in Vancouver, BC. Being active in the LDS church, my parents liked to make the trek down to Seattle, WA to go to the temple. It was about a 3 hr drive, making the trip almost an all day activity.

I remember I was about 13 yrs old. My parents wanted me to watch my younger siblings. I was 13 and really didn't want to. I wasn't the happiest camper when I was awoken in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, I was told they were leaving....

Morning came and I grudgingly handed out bowls of cereal and tried to tune our none cable TV to cartoons....

Nancy was about four years old and at that age very eccentric? with her emotions. She kept asking me where mom and dad was. "Gone!" was my one worded response. This answer did not satisfy her. She kept on bugging me. I glared down at her and told her mom and dad had died and I had to be the new mom.

Nancy went into a fit of hysterics.....needless to say I learned if I wanted an easier time babysitting....never, ever tell the child her parents had died.......