Friday, April 24, 2009

Help! Maybe this will open eyes?

Okay, this isn't a give away, yet, but I need some help! I need comments.

I would like my friends and family, new parents, old parents, whatever, to help me out. If you have a story regarding a young teen who stole, lied or broke a rule, I wanna hear!

Just leave a comment, brief description of the rule broken, and if the child has turned out fairly functioning, or if they are locked up.

I want to test my synopsis of just because children break parental rules growing up, they don't turn into harden criminals.

Please help me show my husband, my kids are normal, that the odds are they probably will not be holding banks up or randomly shooting up Walmart or something.


Kristina P. said...

I have worked in social work with adolescents for 10 years, and ALL kids do this. I was a very good kid, and I still did.

Your kid will not turn into a sociopath!

MOMster said...

I was a bit of the black sheep in the family and I did all sorts of things. I stole money from my siblings, I watched the forbidden rated "R" movies, wore clothing that was not deemed appropriate by my dad and siblings and stayed over at boys' apartments when I was 18/19 years old. I still turned out fine...I think? Hahaha.

Arrika said...

We used to "borrow" wedding dresses from the recycle/donation room on the university campus and then wade into the center of the duck ponds to retrieve the dimes and quarters that everyone tossed into the pond to wish upon. We also would lurk nearby as harried students fumbled with change at the vending machines - when they dropped quarters that then rolled under the machines we would wait for them to run off to class then crawl under the machines to fetch the coins for ourselves. We would also buy up all the fresh fruit from the cafeterias and the gas station/convenience store - then resell the items door to door on campus (they had no choice! We also bought all the macaroni and cheese and bread and milk. I was 7 - it was called business right? I think i helped coin the term "starving student"

Those were the premeditated actions... on top of the pilfering change from mothers wallet (always a good reason.. ie to pay for bus fare cause i lost my bus pass or did not want to walk in the rain) Oh and we always stole loafs of bread from the food bank along with all the jars of hot banana peppers - climbed out the balcony on the second floor common room and climbed up the side of the building into the out of bounds playroom we weren't allowed in and played with the toys. (I was caught doing that at 9 or so and the "adults" determined I was suicidal and got me a bike so i would stay on the ground. Talk about misunderstanding the kids - we just wanted somewhere to read - alone!

You have got to keep in mind - genius is genetic... you have some brilliant children creating amazing circumstances for themselves that they believe others just would not understand.

To deal with the stealing - try having more open conversations about family budgets and how important money is - and give them tasks that require them to decide how to spend that money choosing between two or three needed items for the family... stealing seems to stop when people share opinions about what they feel is important...

and umm.... sweetie.. you turned out beautifully - i havent even touched on our days together.. i kept it to life before ten :P

Arrika said...

I forgot to mention that, though I am definitely NOT normal... I am not a psychopath either...

the MomBabe said...

Umm, I was AWFUL. Then I grew up. If he thinks 12 is bad, just wait until she's 15. *snort*

(okay, maybe that's not what you want to hear.) POINT IS. She's on the verge of being a grown-up and she has to test out the waters to see what fits her best. Growing pains, everyone has them.

The Bakers said...

When I was 14-16 I went through a rough patch, as every kid does and I was so mad when my mom said I couldn't get a second whole that I did it without permission. I didn't tell her I just wore my hair down in front of her. She was pretty mad when she actually founf out, but I grew out of my little phase and now I think I am more tramatized by it then she ever was. The whole reminds me everyday that I disobeyed my mom on purpose. That makes me feel horrible cause my mom was amazing to me and thats no fair. Thats my story.

An Ordinary Mom said...

I think a lot of kids go through rough patches, but as long as they know they are still loved, that is what is important.

Mama Nut said...

Hi, I saw your post on MMB and thought I would stop by and see what the problem was. I don't have any teenagers, but I was one, and naughty one at that. My parents were sure that I wasn't going to turn out well. I have always had a rebellious streak in me -- I still do... I have this thing where I can't stand being told what to do, especially if it is just common sense! As a teen, I hated being treated like I was stupid, or ignored by my parents. I wanted them to leave me alone and trust me to make the right choices -- which I really did want to do, I just wanted them to know that I was the one making the choice for the right reason. I stole from my mom once. She knew it, and my dad knew it, but when they confronted me, I lied. Instead of getting mad at me, they told me that they trusted me. It made me feel so guilty, I confessed... I never did it again. I was on the other side as well, my sister stole some money from my mom, and I got blamed. When they confronted me about it, I looked them in the eyes and told them it wasn't me. They did the whole thing about trusting me, and it made me feel good, and when they saw that, they knew it wasn't me.
I can imagine it would be hard for your daughter to be going through so many changes in her life. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Those are the years where they are trying to find out who they are and where their place is on Earth.
I turned out great, I think. When my parents backed off and decided to trust me to make the right decisions, I did! I repented. I went to college, I served a mission, and I was married in the temple.
So my best advice, is love her, let you know that you will trust her to make the right choices. Don't take sides between her and your husband. And above all, set a good, loving example and be there for her. I am sure it will all turn out fine.

Love your blog, and hope to read more of your adventures!

David said...

I remember once in grade 3, I stole some of the money from my Terry Fox Run pledge drive. I paid tithing on it and bought baseball cards. The date arrived that I needed to turn it in and told mom I thought I accidentally mixed it up with my own money so we went to bank and I got it out of my account. So, I guess it wasn't actually stealing, but originally, the intent was there. I even paid extra tithing no increase...

I also used to climb into garbage cans looking for pop bottles/cans.

I once told a teacher I was sick and didn't do my homework when I'd really just forgotten about it. She gave me an extra day.

I'm not really helping, am I?