So one of the benefits to not having my kids around right now, is I can read and meditate more.
I found a book I haven't read in a while. It's kind of one of those self help novels. It was funny and sort of fate that I read that today.
After court Thursday, I was numb. Honestly I felt as if a knife was thrust inside of me and someone kept twisting the pain. I told my boyfriend that I felt like building walls up to protect me. Emotional pain is worst than physical, at least I think so.
I was reading this book that I found. The name of the book is "GOD ON A HARLEY" I love it. It's about a women who has shut of GOD and is trying to deal with life. God appears as a Harley-Davidson biker, long hair and all, named "Joe."
She first questions if he GOD. I love his response, "I'm all that is good and kind and strong in the universe." I am the energy that makes seeds turn into flowers and flowers turn their lovely faces to the sun. Though I may be quiet and subtle, my presence is not to be underestimated. I am you and you are me. If you want to call me 'GOD,' that's fine with me If you're more comfortable with a different name, tat's find too."
I got separated from my center over a week ago. I forgot that I have a creator that loves me and has no expectations that I am anyone but the best I can be.
I was starting to put up walls so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. "Joe" asks the women to pretty much let go of "organized" religion ancient teachings and open her mind to personal commandments. The 1st commandment was to not build walls, and learn them to transcend you. The women states that she likes her walls and they keep her safe, just as the purpose for why I started my walls. "Joe" reminds her that as long as the walls are up, she also keeps the fear in. I needed to be reminded of the latter.
Walls are now done.
I may get emotional, but it's okay.
I'll write about the second one tomorrow.
However I am going to start the gratitude lists he suggests. I am going to every day write 3 things I am grateful for, trying to not repeat anything.
1-I am grateful to have wonderful friends and family who accept me for who I am, the good and bad.
2-I am grateful my creator also created sheep. I felt inner peace, seeing the young lambs frolic in the fields.
3-I am grateful for music. A source of release, as the beat moves you.
I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, and more important someone who can do anything. I choose today to be a survior of life, thanking God for the thorns I have, so I can enjoy the roses. I love my children, my family, my fiance and enjoy living again. I feel reborn in spirit and free at last. I once was held in bondage by myself, but learned how to break free! Nothing can stop you........don't believe me? Read my blog for a week.