I wish my problems were solved with pink heart cakes!

Olivia this afternoon, became quite upset when asked to get in the car. She took off running, then decided to come back, because I was obviously teed-off. I put her in the car-seat and she commenced into tears.

Poor girl, but I had no clue what was wrong.

I produced pink heart cakes....she wouldn't look.....

Sabrina grabbed hers and ate it up. (She is the candy/sugar freak)

Olivia finally looked up. I handed her the heart. She took it and smiled and exclaimed her love of pink heart cakes. Alas all has been forgotten. I wish pink heart cakes could solve my problems.

I have no clue

I forgot to blog a couple of days.....I really don't know what to say here.

Working two jobs, I don't have time for much.

Oh if you live in UT and you want to save $$$ on utilities let me know.

Monthly Resolutions

February's monthly resolutions:

File Taxes
Clean out car
Get a working computer


Just so it's out there......oh and work my butt off, take care of kids, and complete every minuscule task the state requests......

Daily or Quad-weekly posting

I told myself: Self you are going to write everyday on your blog that you work at the library. So I am.

I started out today nervous and apprehensive about a meeting with state peoples, parents and what had you. The reasoning....it seemed as if "everyone" wanted these big changes that I am not capable of comprehending right now. Perhaps down the road I can look at some of them, but not now.

The reality is....I have two very active little ones who are incredibly smart, a little too smart for their britches. For some reason I don't have the authoritive voice box or actions that kids take seriously. I'm glad....I don't want my kids to fear me.

The recommendation is therapy for the little ones....and myself. This could help, but it'll take time and I think we know all are on the same page.

Sometimes you gotta rest on you laurels

I just have to breathe today.....

Then everything works out. The kids awake....the hours pass by.....I just breathe.

I know that life will pan out and I will be okay.

I want to yell and scream and cry and stamp my feet. I want this just to be over. It's not. It's not going away quickly either. I get to continue everyday working my butt off for????? I don't get to enjoy my life. I am looking over what I do to find my mistakes before neighbors, media or the state does.

I am having a hard time not freaking out on my babies and blaming them for this horrible domino affect. I remain loving and compassionate....meanwhile I want to explode at them and blame them.

I feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, tired, anger, sadness, my head is swirling and I am not quite sure how to let it all out. What is proper, what will work? I even have to be careful what I write, for fear they wrong person will read it and POOF! they're gone again.

I promise I will not intentionally harm my children.....if I ever felt like I would I would call someone.

Then I think the random calls I've made the last couple of months.....what were they?

How can I work, if I never know when I will cry?

I really don't know what to do......I am going to apply for a full admin job at my work. I hope I get it....maybe

it's been a long time.....

If you read this....I'm sorry....I am using this as a venting way to track feelings and emotions of what I am going through.

To catch you up to date click on this:

http://myrnalayton.blogspot.com/


It'll bring you back to where I am.......sort of............this is just a start. I think it'll be healthy to write it out, but it won't be very pretty....right now anyway.

I want to smile and nod and pretend everything is okay, but I can't as of yet.